Do you know what are the 3 Basic Psychological Needs All Humans Share?
These are, according to the Self-determination theory: the need for competence, for connection, and for autonomy. Let’s see what they mean and how they can help you understand your child’s behaviours better.
All humans can achieve their true potential, become the best versions of themselves if these needs are met. If we have the need for competence, for connection, and for autonomy met, then we can find motivation to grow from within, independent of external motivators, such as grades, wealth, rewards, praise. We feel well, we behave accordingly.
- The need for competence: we all need to feel that we are good at something, that we can achieve good results, that we are capable of doing things on our own.
How is this relevant for parents? Your children need to feel like they can do things and don’t require your help for everything. So, give them the opportunity to do so in daily routines. Their confidence will flourish.
Help them build a growth mindset, so they can see mistakes and failures as opportunities for learning.
2. The need for connection: we are social beings and need to feel connected to others.
How is this relevant for parents?
Kids are dependent on the attachment relationships with their parents. They thrive when they feel like they are valued by their parents, that they are accepted just the way they are, and their needs are validated.
Make your child feel loved through small gestures, like a smile, having a chat while taking a walk, saying “I am happy to see you.” after daycare. Listen to what your child has to say, empathize, even when you can’t do as they ask. Kids are allowed to have different opinions from ours.
3. The need for autonomy reflects our desire for freedom.
How is this relevant for parents? Children need to feel like they are in control of their actions, that they can make decisions, and that they have a say in the family. It doesn’t mean that we let kids make big decisions, so they have this need met. But we can offer choices within limits and let them decide on things that are important to them, such as what they wear, what food they choose to eat from the plate, etc.
When children behave “badly” and test limits, it is a sign that some of these needs are unmet. Our job, as parents, is to figure out the cause and get to the root of the behaviour.
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Does being a parent sometimes feel like a chain or stressful transitions and events? How do you feel at the end of the day? Do you have days when you sometimes feel like all you’ve done was get annoyed with your child/ren? Or do you feel like you’ve had to walk all day on eggshells to avoid yet another tantrum from your child?
Being a parent is tough sometimes and setting limits with respect, dealing with a child’s refusal to listen can feel overwhelming. It shouldn’t feel like this. At least, not often. I’ve created this course hoping that I can help you deal with your child’s tantrums, teach you how to set limits confidently, while also building a better relationship with your child. Read more about it here: https://shop.grumpydumpling.com/b/abouttantrums.
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